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The Revolutionary Resume

Objective:

This is a brutally honest retrospective documentation of my most promising characteristics, my most painful failures, and the mileage I’ve put in on the way.  I am a force to be reckoned with, a negligent being who cares too much and a creative disaster all at the same time.  Welcome to my world.  My experience comes from all the things your guidance counselor told you not to list in the experience area.  Fuck it.  I’ve learned more from my mishaps than from my successes, and from the people who never supported me than those who would recommend me for my next job.

Experience:

Growing up barefoot and in oversized and outdated hand-me downs created this toughness in me that could never come from a sheltered New-England bitch.  From my first self-awareness, I realized that I could create the person I would become and that person did not have to be molded from my circumstances.  In the years following, I dressed as a tomboy to be different, to show my toughness on the outside and because it helped me feel a little more bad-ass.  I soon realized that no matter how tough I was, that I would never be taken seriously as a hard-hitting, smartass, bruised-kneed little girl.  That realization led me to attempt at conformity, at which I was not only miserable, but incredibly terrible.  I wasn’t meant to blend in to any “normal” circle, no matter how generically high-school I tried to make myself become.  Inside, I still cynically analyzed the behavior of my peers, laughed at their veiled attempts to be subtle and made myself feel like even more of an outsider.

I wish at this point I could say that I quickly reverted to my original inclination to be true to myself, and allowed myself to be the true leader and free-spirited individual that lurked somewhere deep in my subconscious.  Instead, I spent years hating my peers for being so ordinary, yet doing everything I could to win their acceptance.  Looking back, this valuable experience has given me more insight than I could ever have gained from surrounding myself with fellow visionaries, scholars and revolutionaries.  From the ordinary ones who blankly followed the masses, wore the clothes Mom bought for them and listened to top 40, I learned to distinguish myself and allowed myself to recognize the value that comes with individualism.  The popular ones were the inspiration of the ordinary ones, and I found them to be even more ordinary.  They followed an established outline for existence in the popular circle, were alternately mean to their subordinates and nice to those who benefited them, all according to the outline.  The popular ones taught me to be wary of friends and co-workers who have no investment in my life yet pretend to care.  It’s these popular ones who grow up accustomed to the luxury of subtle manipulation in their relationships.  They have taught me to be even more subtle, and to create real relationships when I get the chance, lest I find my friends as transparent as their ordinary followers.

The ability to surround myself with quality individuals has become a skill that I now excel at.  I define quality by the level of satisfaction that my friends strive for and by their desire to constantly question the boundaries of what is possible.  For example, if a first-time beer drinker tried only Miller Chill, they might think that all beer is fetid fruity shit, unless they sought more, and tried a few imports, a few lagers, before finally settling for a nice amber.  Why should we be satisfied with that initial sip of life, without trying the other options that may be worse, may be better, but will most certainly provide answers?  In keeping quality friends, I know that they will provide no bullshit when honesty serves the purpose.  I fully expect to be told when I’ve had way too much to drink, when I over-accessorize, and when i really suck at beer pong, no matter how much shit i talk.

Skills:

My personal and professional skills include a plethora of developed bullshit.  I am one of those people who is moderately good at a lot of things, as opposed to one who excels at one specific area.  This has enabled me to try anything and everything, in hopes that I might find one area that I excel in.  Until that time, I give you my strengths in multiple random areas.  I am remarkable at persuasion, or peer-pressure if you prefer that term.  I somehow have turned my intuitive analytical way of thinking into a tool to determine what people need the most, and then use my conviction to pressure them into doing things my way (insert creepy laugh here).  I’m joking, for the most part.  Among my other relevant and non-relevant skills, I list the ability to raise one eyebrow independently (thanks dad), a stunning cynicism that sometimes catches my optimistic friends unawares, and a voracious appetite for challenges.

Throughout my “actual” work experience, I’ve found that the core knowledge base that I gained in undergrad can only get me so far, and that after that I must rely on my critical reasoning abilities.  This is something that I actually do excel in, and I have become quite good at dissecting a problem, analyzing its parts, coming up with several solutions and then selecting the most promising of the solutions to achieve the best results.  You might say that I have become a professional problem-solver – Almost like a professional Rubik’s cube  geek except with cuter shoes.

Additional skills frequently used in past and present work environments are my technical knowledge and spatial reasoning.  I never thought that I would be able to say this, but I have become so grateful for my parent’s approach to a hands-on education, and my experiences holding a drill, changing tires, trouble-shooting plumbing issues and repairing broken second-hand items to make them “new” again.  It’s amazing how quickly these skills come back to you when you just found out that there’s a major technical issue in the building and the management team is clueless as to how to proceed.  At one time in life, I thought that these “lessons” were just a way to utilize free child labor in the name of education.  I eat my words.

I have the innate ability to distinguish between petty details and the big picture.  I don’t get caught up in little insignificant pieces of the bigger pie, because I focus on the end result and prioritize what’s necessary to accomplish it.  If you’re a detail-oriented person, we’re obviously meant to complete each other in a working environment.   I work well with others, as long as they can handle my straightforward approach to any conflicts, and my complete dislike for passive-aggressive behavior.

In summation,  these past few months of listing my skills and experiences countless times for potential employers has left me with the realization that I do have valuable qualities that will lend themselves to any company, but that none of the will typically be ones that will come to light in a traditional style interview.  I can’t see myself listing my perspectives on how to find and keep genuine friends or that righty-tighty doesn’t apply to plumbing, which is backwards to fixing just about everything else.  In fact, I may just be good at only one thing, which is the one thing that I’m doing now… blogging about myself.  Time will tell where that leads me.  Until then, does anyone need an honest opinion, a photo hung straight or a problem solved?

genesis

vagrants, miscreants, the homeless and i all have a lot in common.  we’ve all spent time worrying about where our next meal will come from.  at times, i know that we each have wondered where were going to sleep, or even, when we found a place – if we could stay there or have to leave before dawn.  i’m not homeless now, or hungry, but i have been.  actually, as i sit here on my couch at home on thanksgiving day, i realize that i am drawn to test the boundaries of my experience repeatedly, and that is often what puts me in situations that any mostly-caucasion, middle-class educated female normally doesn’t experience.

in the past three years, i’ve lived in three different cities.  my experiences have all come from things that i’ve forced myself to do.  i.e., in everything that i do, i take risks, because i think that in the long run, they’ll either pay off, or make for a better story!  My stories include everything from drunken misadventures in college to big-girl life lessons learned after my introduction to the real world.   I haven’t begun this writing experience to attempt to teach anyone or think that anyone could benefit from my stories at all.  Rather, I feel that writing everything down is therapeautic for me – the reader’s enjoyment is secondary.  Still, I appreciate feedback, and would be happy to provide more detail on any one story if requested.